All posts by Terri Sorenson

Fat

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“Terri, you just wouldn’t be you if you lost weight”. Those were the words I heard from a very well-meaning friend after listening to me grumble about how much I hate diets. I know that what he meant was probably something like, “You’re loved just the way you are. Don’t sweat it”. But what I heard down to the very core of my being was “I define you as fat. Fat is not what you are. It’s who you are”.

I remember, even as a child, I had an uncle who would make up songs about how chubby I was, and sing them to me regularly. The intention was to be funny. But the result… “I define you as fat… and that’s funny”. My dad, in a gesture of strange pride and even encouragement used to joke to family and friends how he loved taking me to a buffet as a kid, because he “always got his money’s worth”. Keeping up with my dad at dinner was one way that I knew (or believed in my young mind) that I was meeting his expectations and earning his love.  I know all my dad meant was “isn’t it cute how my little girl can pack it away”. (*note to parents… It’s NOT cute. It’s unhealthy*) What I heard was, “I define you as fat… You’re good at that”.  As a teenager, I helped out occasionally at a nearby horse farm. One afternoon, as I was riding one of the horses, the man who owned the place came over to me and said “If you lost a few pounds, you’d look amazing on that horse”. He knew I had been trying to lose weight. What I’m sure he meant was “keep it up and you’ll achieve your goals”. What I heard was, “I define you as fat. If you ever become not fat, you may be attractive. But right now, you’re fat”.

Like many others in my situation, I’ve got a whole list of other examples I could share. I’ve spent my entire forty-plus years of life being defined by fat. I fought it for many of those years. Somewhere along the way though, I quit fighting. I’m not sure when it happened. But at some point I subconsciously agreed with that definition of myself. It is who I am.

A few nights ago, my seven year old daughter and I were having a “girl’s night out”. We went to the mall, got her hair done, enjoyed a super delicious gelato… And to end our evening out, we went into one of those little instant photo booths. We waited excitedly for our strip of pics to pop down out of the picture chute. Finally, there they were. I almost gasped out loud at how ugly and grotesquely fat each close up of my face was. My daughter, of course, looked beautiful. But me? Most definitely not! My face became flushed and my eyes quickly teared up in embarrassment. I felt a sense of pity for my gorgeous daughter for having my fat face ruin our strip of pictures that we were just moments ago so excited to see. All I wanted to do was rip them up.

But then… My little girl grabbed the strip, looked at the pics with a gigantic and recently toothless grin, and said “These are awesome Mom! Can we pleeeease put these on the fridge where everyone can see?!?”. She loved them. She didn’t even flinch at the sight of them. Not once did she even offer a bit of sympathy and say, “don’t worry mom… they’re not that bad”. Nothing. She was looking at those pics as though they were beautiful… Because to her, they were. She wasn’t defining me as fat. She was defining me as mom… and everything beautiful that “being mom” represents.

Later, as I prayed about this situation, I heard God speak directly to those wounds created with the words I had let define me all my life. “I do not define you as fat. I define you as all the beauty I created you to be… wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, Child of God… Made in the image of beauty and love Himself. See yourself as I see you.” I asked for God to show me just exactly how He sees me. Having a bit of bible knowledge, I fully expected at this point to be led to Song of Solomon (or Song of Songs… depending on your translation). This was where God was going to say flowery wonderful things to me. Or perhaps I would even be led to Proverbs 31. I know I’m not superwoman. But maybe God was about to reassure me regarding all my good efforts to be the best wife and mother I can. Nope. Not this time. I prayed and prayed for a scripture. Nothing was coming. Then I turned to look at my daughter. My beautiful, precious, perfect beauty… My princess who totally has my heart… My daughter who I am eternally proud to claim as mine… My child who needs only to ask, and I would give her the world, were it in my hands.  And then I heard, “And that, my sweet Terri, is how I see you”.

While this revelation feels at the moment like a great healing, (and I’m sure it is), I get the feeling this only marks the beginning of my path of restoration. But by the Grace of God, as I am led by the Holy Spirit, I’m willing to redefine me. What or who defines you? Broken words or words of life? I choose life. I choose Jesus. I choose restoration. I choose Grace.  Grace that looks at me and sees love… not fat.

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A Little Perspective

I was thinking… How is it even possible to love my children as much as I do?  I thought to myself that no one could ever have a measure of love for my kids that even comes close to mine.  As I looked at them with the eyes only a mother has for her babies, I heard a little voice inside reminding me that there is one who’s love surpasses even mine… Jesus.  Almost as quickly as I heard that first thought, a second one came.  Jesus loves me that much too.  What a crazy and unique perspective to have.  If my love for my children is that great, and His love for us exceeds that… WOW!  It’s practically unfathomable.  I know that it seems like such a simple concept.  Duh!  Jesus loves us.  It doesn’t get more basic than that.  But do we really “get it”?  We are constantly putting “conditions” on His love for us.  I think of how my love for my children is so great and so unconditional that I would GLADLY give my life to save even just one of them.  They don’t earn my love and sacrifice through their goodness.  It’s my goodness as a mother (if I may so brag) that causes me to gift them with my love and willingness, even pleasure to sacrifice for them.  Truth be told, they are really the gift given to me… But you get the point.  That’s what Christ did for us.  His love for me was so great that He DID die to save me.  What a powerful thought. 

Put it into a “closer to home” perspective.  How would you feel about me if I took a bullet for you?  That bullet was headed right for you and I threw myself in front of it.  I died so you could live.  How would you feel about me then?  You’d be eternally grateful to me for what I did.  You’d testify to all your family and friends… maybe even strangers on the street about what I had done for you.  If anybody said one unkind word about me you’d jump to my defense.  The memory of what I had done would forever live in your heart.  Now think about Jesus.  Not only did he take that bullet, but he suffered unspeakable torture…  for you.  He wasn’t praised for what He was doing.  He was ridiculed.  He didn’t jump in front of a bullet as a quick, no time to think, reaction.  He left His “perfect” to enter our “fallen” and accepted everything that he suffered through… for you.  He allowed himself to be tortured and humiliated.  He allowed spikes to be hammered through his flesh.  He breathed his last and died… for you, for me, for my babies.  If you would be willing to praise me, defend me, and forever love and honor me for taking a bullet for you, how much more for Jesus?  I want to be that grateful person.  I want to acknowledge what happened and never be ashamed, embarrassed or afraid to tell the account of my savior.  I want to testify to the world about every beautiful thing He’s done.  He loves me.  He loves you.  He loves unconditionally.  What a perfectly beautiful place to start.

Truth

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TRUTH.  Everyone thinks their opinion is full of it, when sometimes they’re just… well… full of it.  If you are anything like me, you probably aren’t interested in what someone else thinks is the truth.  After all, what makes one truth better than another?  Throughout time, truth has been shifted, bended, twisted and shaped to suit the agenda of the one proclaiming their so called truth.  Sadly, this has turned “truth” into a very subjective variable, leaving no real truth left.

In our overly “PC” society, it’s hard to recognize real truth.  The goal has become less about learning and growing and more about how many ways to be offended. There must be a better way.  There must be a truth above corruptible truths. There must be… God’s truth.  Let’s take a look.

Romans 3:23 says, “For ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”.

But here’s the GOOD NEWS…

John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life”.

What does all that mean?  Simply put, it means that every single one of us is in need of a savior.  God knew that, and so provided.  Because Jesus Christ was willing to “pay our fines”, we are now free to focus on His love and plan for our lives.

What Jesus did, He did freely and willingly for YOU.  Jesus loves YOU.  I don’t have to know who you are or what you’ve done (good or bad), to know that “Jesus loves YOU” is the truth.  If it weren’t truth, He wouldn’t have… couldn’t have said it in His Word.  God so loved YOU that He gave Jesus Christ to pave YOUR way to Him.  All that is required of you is to receive the gift.  That’s grace.  That’s Jesus.

It really is that simple.  Some people, whether well-meaning or just plain mean, have complicated things to the point of scaring and scarring people with their version of “truth”.  God’s truth simply states that He loves you.  So receive it.  Period.

Say yes to what Jesus offers you.  Pray often.  Listen as you feel God’s Holy Spirit nudging and guiding you.  Share with others what you experience.  I promise, your life will never be the same… And you wouldn’t want it any other way.

God bless you!